Ready made excuses for being caught fully torqued (having a boner) in public

BeerDMan Shenanigans Leave a Comment

Here at KBT understand that trying to come up with that last second excuse can be difficult. Well we have just what you need here! Ready made excuses for any and all occasions, so you are never caught with your pants down! (ready made excuses for when you are caught with your pants down is in the works).

 

****Warning, in the very slight chance the initial rebuttal fails wag your penis vigorously back and forth and say “no no no” like Mutombo****

 

That’s my banana that I brought with me for a snack you fucking perv.

 

I was thinking about your mom

 

I was bitten by a spider and it’s swelling up

 

Someone said “knock on wood”, I needed wood.

 

Well Game of Thrones new season premieres this Sunday and I was just thinking about it.

 

I masterbate so much in the shower that I get a boner everytime it rains, I can’t help it.

 

We were missing a part of the ring toss set so I decided to help out.

 

I ate wayyy too much unagi and the POWAHHH just won’t go away. NO MORE TALK SHIT

 

I guess my pants were just rubbing me the right way, if you know what I mean. (make sure to wink)

 

This has nothing to do with you, those crepes just look soooo, mmmmm. OK?!? So just leave me and my food boner alone.

 

Don’t flatter yourself, it’s a neurological disorder. Mr Bombastic, that’s my penis’ name, Just pops up every now and then and there is nothing I can do about it. I have a drs note for it if you really don’t believe me.

 

These pants are too silky for underwear.  How can you blame me?

 

I just saved a family from a fire and all the leftover adrenaline went right to my junk.

 

Dr Krieger just finished telling me about some of his new inventions. Boing!

 

I just finished a really intense session of virtual reality ping pong with pregnant Serena Williams.

 

I just ordered a footlong Pastrami sandwich…Don’t Judge me.

 

There was a gentle breeze…

 

The grocery store had a sale.  2 melons for the price of one.

I use it as a method of defense, it’s basically like my own personal catapult, so don’t you dare try anything. (pull penis down with projectile loaded on tip)  

 

(Look down at penis) What’s that boy? Do you sense danger? Timmy? He fell down a well and needs help? Sally forth!!

 

Disclaimer: These ready made rebuttals have a 75% success rate, there is no guarantee this will work in your situation. For best chance of success assess the situation, gauge the type of officer you are working with and use specific rebuttals accordingly.

There has been extremely limited field testing (success percentage may be embellished) Side effects of using these rebuttals may include being charged for sexual harassment, getting pepper sprayed, being hit in the face and or balls, women and men alike looking in disgusts, jeers or laughter from the crowd in general, and people knowing just how tiny your dick is.



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